i asked for help. but no one could help me. no one with the answer to my question. not even valen could help me. *cry* i really dunno what to do. God i need you. what am i suppose to do? i mean i only have 54 days left. so i can just walk away and pretend nothing ever happen right? that this feeling NEVER EXISTED! it wasn't real. it was only in my head. i could just bite my tongue, swallow my feelings and walk away without turning back. i know this is so gonna hurt me but what other choice do i have? i WILL end up hurt either way. why wouldn't he just leave me be, God? this is so hard. it's like one after another. first it was him , then now it's him. i really can't take this. i don't have so much tears for everyone of them. my heart can't take this. it's been broken and patched up. it has all the scars and stains. why must this always happen? it must be the looks and i loathe it. i dunno what else to do. what to expect anymore. its' always the same. this is so unfair. *solx*
sometimes it's just hard and sometimes it gets too hard. and when its gets extremely hard, you just want out. oh yea, i've been through it alot and gosh sometimes i just wanna pass out. tee-hee. sometimes it becomes too overwhelming and you don't have any solution to it or even any idea to lessen its impact. it just keep growing and growing and finally *POP* it's messy all over the place but you're the one who cleans up the mess. oh well, it ain't really that bad really. it's just that sometimes when you're too tired to clean it all up, it seem a whole lot worse. yea, it ain't really that bad. i'm prolly just a lil impatient with this sorta stuff. tee-hee.
*siGh*
allie allie allie..how could u have gotten urself into such a huge mess?!?!?! *smack me dear* how could you be so blunt and careless..*sobz* tasukette!!
aihx lizsheA~
i wasn't referring to u when i was mumbling about someone who's draining all my energy out. it's not u really. don't take it wrongly. please don't take it wrongly. i will NEVER EVER be mad at you no matter what the reason. don't be afraid of me yea. so you can always count on me to be there for you no matter what the cause. -lolx- rmb.. when i wanna talk about you i'll rmb to bold and CAPITALISED your name BIG BIG
u can depend on that!! love ya lotz! ~muaxXx~
now really, why did you say you wanna say back again? then why the sudden change of mind? it really defeats the whole purpose of staying back now for it's sake ,doesn't it?
dear, you've chosen to stay back for a good cause. you've shared ur reasons. don't go against it. don't ruined it. i know you can do this dear. be strong. don't let anything that comes your way make you regret your decisions that you have once made.
-xoxox-
he called after umm 5 years of not keeping in contact. ok he did call once umm 2 years ago. it feels weird talking to him. i really have no intention of what he's gonna do but well it's not hard to guess. *smack it* but at least i know that he's not mad at me and he knows that i'm not holding any grudges against him.
well that doesn't mean i'm a side dish, so get this straight!! i don't have to be treated like one just because i'm really nice and maybe a lil too nice.
i guess i know what to expect and how to react now. though it may be like the third time thi sis happening to me but i know now for sure that i'm well prepared. YES! i won't slipped and fall again. i won't be so blur anymore.
still, can't belive he didn't go for class today.
lame excuse: couldn't wake up!
*danG* should have hung up! now i feel bad cause it's like partly my fault for making him miss class. well not my fault also cause he dun wanna hang up. *smack*
he wanna hang out but i don't want unless got more people. so who wanna come along. don't worry ur not gonna be lamp post because i really don't wanna go alone. pleaseee!!
why don't u just take her a go away!
i need to get away from u, her, him , me!
tasukette!!
breathe in!! breathe out!!
put behind your pain and smile!!
for tomorrow will be a new day!
went to pyramid just now to eat sushi king.. they're havin some realli cool promotion. u get to eat any colour plate for only 2 bucks!! soOooOoo worth it man! should go.. but only if you're a member!
can't believe the 6 six us whack 45 plates all together! *woA* way-chunted!!
sometimes i just can't wait to fly to perth. sometimes i wish i can stay here forever. but truth is, i really don't know what i want. i think i wanna go NOW!!
just let me go. i need breathing space!
saw some guys getting ready for hockey on the ice. so coolx...reminded me of a piece of my past.. wanted to stay to watch but my sibz gotta get back to finished up their homework. oh well~
something ain't right at the moment..hmMmMm...
played with photoshop today!! so fUN!! missed it sooO much.. my bro was sorta desperate for it till he asked his friend for his pirated disc and he d/w on our system. coolx coolx!! will post some of my 'masterpiece-s' up later. either here or there. u gotta find it!!
valen don't feel right. i don't know but these few days, i can't seem to contact him. i wonder if he's ok. i don't know, i'm worried about him. *siGh* he's not replying my msg and my sms-es. i'm worried that he's abit too affected by it. i don't think he took it that well.
c'mon valen, please be ok!!
i'll go call him now..
hmm yea, i know i know, it's like forever since i last blogged here though i said i would blogged more often...
hmm i dunno.. i tot of *ahem* changing my blog addy... well mainly beacuse all three blogs on joash's links represents three totally and contradicting personalities which is really no good.. well.. how can i live like that?? maybe i should only allow invited readers to read only?? hmm.. i dunno lerh..
maybe i should just well.. lolx.. i know what.. ^o^
yea, hmm.. it's weird i guess.. i hope no one reads this blog anymore.. so i can blog in peace >.< lolx.. nah.. nth serious really.. nth emo.. it's just weird because you know that everytime when you blog, you know that someone's gonna read it for sure. and now that there are those who knows about my three blogs.. they might think me weird because all three blogs are like really contradicting personalities..
misrepresentation. nooOooOOoo....
*aihx* oh well, i guess i gotta be like SUPER SUPER careful now when i blog. yea, careful allie careful!! you never know who's reading...
